Pages

Monday, 30 June 2014

update

So I decided to write some update since I think I didn't write long time.

Friday, 20 June 2014

Who am I?

The past weeks I was so busy and probably so happy as I haven't posted anything.

Lately I was thinking about my future. About my own life. I must not start something just because I wanna be close to someone. Right? Because if half-way I am left..... I would be in a big trouble.
I gave myself time to think about it. And I tried to imagine myself in any kind of roles.


Monday, 19 May 2014

average & extraordinary


Being independent doesn't always mean you mean you make your own decisions. But being confident about yourself. I dont know if I can say that I am independent. Because I need my friends around to tell me advices. Though I is also a good things. I make my own foundation. The bigger is a tree's root the stronger it is.


Sunday, 11 May 2014

be the change you want to see

Today I just met my friend and ohhhh she is expecting a baby. If yo see a pregnant woman you might think she is doing what she is really doing. But noo nono. The only one thing that she is doing is to think about her little one under her heart.
I really look forward the time when it happens to me. I really really look forward. But it is still so many years. And if I will have a baby I will have to be in a relationship iin at least 3 years and I wanna be at least engaged.
All I do is because I know that one day I will have babies and I know how important to be that kind of parent who can be an example for the kids. Who they can follow or be inspired.
I want to be a step for my children to get one step higher.

Do I wanna boys or girls? If I get boys? perfect. Girls? Great!


I really feel sorry for those girls who already 27 but has no boyfriend. Who knows maybe I will be one of them and I will feel sorry for myself too.
But I have still 6 years to remember what I wanna. These girls are usually either not ready for a man or they have so low self esteem that a man will just not even notice them.
What is the HUGE different between a boy and a man? A man really know what he wants and he will go for it. He wants that woman? The he will pick her up no matter what. A boy wont take any effort. He will always have other options. He might have an idea but  thats is not enough. He is just testing.
A man is working on building his future. Thinks about the family and on his own carrer. A boy wont think about it. He will think about the parties that is coming up in the weekend and he is certainly sure he wont get married.
But its the same about woman vs. girl.
The people we date is a man. A pretty boy wont last. However I hear my friends saying they are not sure if they are ready for a realtionship. How pain it would be to be together all the time. Or to actually know if this relationship is worth or not. They are mainly older so they even say that 'I am running out of time to wait for the perfect guy.'
If you actually wanna know  if who is worth to be with... Just put the ugliest face you have, wear some comfortable non sexy clothes and be freak and act silly. Because this is how we actually are. If he still likes us and think it is kind of a cute thing. Then yes it definitely is worth a relationship.
Being together doesn't always mean that you talk or you always talk. Sometimes just sitting in the same room and do completely diferent things. But still you are enjoying each others company without saying any word to each other. 

Jelousy is probably something that can break a good relationship. If you think too much about the other girls will costs you your confidence.. Because paying too much attention or blowing others shine wont make you shinier.
However its good to keep in mind just in case: If the guy gets impressed by some other pretty faces then probably  he is not the kind we want.


About myself in general? I think I am happy. Or well at least I feel good. I am very excited about summer. Me and my friend will go to swimming pool soon. She actually wanted to go this weekend but the weather is so silly that nonono. Later will be better.


I met my friend I really like being with him as we can talk like really honest. And he tells me his opinion about things. He knows me like really well and he just says I am that kind of girl who lives in an other world. 
He knows that I have a boyfriend now, and he said it's very risky for me to put my trust in anybody because there are 2 kind of man. One who will use my naivety against me and one who will protect me and remind me that the world is not a kind place. 


I am finishing my degree in one year. Yay! I will take a rest  a bit and then start something new. And I wanna be a model! I mean just ask someone to take nice pictures of me.  I am still not certainly sure where I will be in 5 years but I know I will be a better version of myself.
I wanna leave this job because here I dislike some people. It doesn't really matter why but still.
Here the people are like.... they smile in your face and then boommm attack you from behind. Not everybody of course. But still..
Why to be this superficial piece of a little shit? I would love to tell them how asshole pitiful they are. But.. Would I be a better person? No. Does it matter? No. So I just ignore.
However most of the time I keep my thought for only myself. I think I am a thinker.
Just keep on. I am the change I want to see. And I can make it.




Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Beauty comes from the Inside - Part2

I gave more think about what I wrote.
A lot of time I was struggling how to approch people. How to start a conversation? Ask for something Or question. or give a compliment. The worse you can have is a no. Or the person would turn away.



Friday, 2 May 2014

Beauty comes from the Inside - Part1






I think I will start again yoga. Back in 2009 I was so balanced. I was jogging, I did yoga, I had a dog, I attended gym, and I was an excellent student in high school. I wanna have it back. I wasn't in love. I didn't need anybody.
What happened?








Monday, 7 April 2014

Smart woman





Today I actually went for a date. After 2 months this was the first time that I actually said yes to a guy.
Just to see how it feels like.









Sunday, 6 April 2014

my body my temple

Sometiems I wonder those people who can easily find a boyfriend. Like. Just decide go to party and booom. Me and my friend were talking baout it. She is that kind of girl who likes dating and likes get to know more boys. And it is totally normal. When I think about it I usually reflect my body as a "temple".

Friday, 4 April 2014

rich men world


As I am getting older and meet more like a man instead a boy sometimes I realise they think the more they talk about the money the more they think they can pick up a pretty woman.
Talking about how luxury place he has and how rich he is just makes me believe I dont want this guy.

no no no no. I am not saying that I hate money. I am saying that I like the good old normal way of picking up a girl. Compliments. Invite to cinema. Invite to have a dinner. Talk abotut interests. Hobbies. Goals and motivations. and things like that. Not that my father is a xy and my mother is a xy.

I never understood why girls like rich men. All I want is a smart nice devoted and faithful man who isn't afraid to talk about feelings and who give some place to his heart as well not only mind. Who doesn't wanna fuck around or talk with 232521 cheap girls.
 I dont wanna pend on my byofriend or be in thos kind of situations that I get a lot of suff while I dont get anything for him. Just be equal. And be right next to each other. And I support him, he supports me.
Is it too much to ask for?

A couple of days ago I was walking outside of the city and I felt perfect. I love singing and singing in the nature while hearing the birds is just something I could not live without. I can't really describe how much I need someone be right next to me. I dont mean like literally next to me. But to think that there are arms that always ready to give me a hug. And I can't really express how much I neeeed a dog. For those who never had a dog around will never know how it feels like. I had before and she was always with me. She always knew when I am happy and when I wanna cry.






Spear me the parts (spear me the parts)
When you shower me with gifts
Don't send me cards no box of chocolates
And don't promise me the world
I'm not that type of girl that needs that to feel complete
So don't bring me roses bring me the truth
And don't buy me diamonds cause that just won't do
Material things I could buy myself if I really want to
I need something special I need something new
Just give me you

Things on this world don't mean that much to me
I need your heart and I need honesty
If all you got is flashiness then please turn around and leave
So don't bring me roses bring me the truth
Don't buy me diamonds 'cause that just won't do
Material things I could buy myself if I really want to
I need something special I need something new
So don't bring me roses bring me the truth
Don't buy me diamonds cause that just won't do
Material things I could buy myself if I really want to
I need something special I need something new
Just give me you

Thursday, 27 March 2014

work? tell me about it how hard

I am really extremly tired of my family. I mean. I dont wanna be rude. I dont wanna be like crazy. But can I be just honest?


Tuesday, 25 March 2014

summer is coming

I started doing yoga! Again. I am very happy that as I started jogging and going to the gym and practicing yoga I started getting back my good old body.
I think my newest addiction is eyebrow.I am so addcited to it. I check every girls eyebrow is its good or not. I read about it how to do. And checked girls how they do. Finaly I think I learned how to do it well. LOL I like it now the way it looks. 


Friday, 21 March 2014

#poem?

Decided on writing a poem? Yes. I felt my creativity is about to explode. 


Monday, 17 March 2014

is good-enough enough?

I am alright. I am much better. Before the past 2 weeks I was at home (except work) And I did nothing on the earth. So many things was in my mind in the same time. I was so lost and insecure.

I was about to fed up with some boys too who always write to me and asks to meet. I asked them do you wanna me becasue you wanna sex? Or do you wanna meet me because you expect something in return? They said yes. Well I said then fuck off. 
I dont think that I wanna be in any kind of connection to anyone. I mean lets be superficial. That is noharm.


Saturday, 8 March 2014

the best company

I wasn't blogging for a long time. I was busy. I am still busy. But today I made up some time.

I thought its a relationship that I need. But I am realising I was mistaken. I thought if I had someone my life would be much better. Or at least I could be much happier. But no. It wasn't the way I expected. For me the happier I am the slimmer I am. I lost zero fat.
The last time I was very slim was in 2012. When I spent the whole day with my neighbour's dog. I know it might sound funny. But could it be possible that all I need is a company that can be with me any time? I had always a very close relationship with animals. I always had a dog with me. This is the first time that I dont have.


Tuesday, 11 February 2014

belong to whom

Maybe the hardest part in life is to walk away from something that one day put a smile on your face. And realise there are certain things that will never work. No matter how hard we try. No matter how hard we want. It's just not meant to be.
There is no sense to force something. It's not the person. It's never the person. It's the way they make you feel. The attention they pay. The caring company they offer on a lonely day.
Suddenly you remember all the good things. Because you know it's about to finish.


Monday, 20 January 2014

miss photographer

It's been almost a week that I deactivated myself on facebook. And I feel super duperly awesome. I dont miss it at all. I dont really care if anybody misses me there. Because now I am free of all kind of silly messages. Or completely nonsense information. Who are really importnt, I find the way to talk.

I have checked the cameras, and its not even that expensive. So probably by the summer I will buy it. Or spring. Or when I will actually get out of the flat. I actually wanna learn how to make good photos. And as some random people to be my model. Or my cat. I have a beautiful cat. I bet we would make a good company! And I will be able to take more photos of my life like in general. I look forward to get a camera! I am pretty excited about it...

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

How long is forever? - Sometimes Just one second.






As time passes by, I start figuring out what I wanna do for living. Which is good. My friend asked me. What is your motivation? Then I told him what I wanna do. He said. Yes. This is your plan. Not your motivation. I didn't asked what you wanna do. I asked why you wanna do.
I gave myself 2 seconds to think over the question, and I gave him my perspective. Then he said... wow! how old are you?!  I know my motivations are weird. Maybe I will make a post about motivations. But not yet. I wanna give it more time.

Sunday, 12 January 2014

the house I used to live in

Today I have found some pictures of my home. It is so strange to see them as I haven't been there since more than a year.

It's really weird to see. And now I miss living alone. And yess I lived all by myself in this huge house. I had 3 bathroom (used only 2, and then only 1), I had a huge kitchen and I just miss this beautiful big house.

Originaly we lived 5 in this. But then after everybody left, it was only me who stayed and then finally I moved too.
Maybe that's why I dont really miss my family. I got used to live without it.

Monday, 6 January 2014

Best timing

I have so many people in my life who teaches me without knowing it.  Yes I do follow a lot of people, I do follow a lot of people from my life. I have so many experiences that I feel like sometimes I am so worn out.
In my blog I always try to avoid to make my own opinion about others, because its not about that. will never be. I tried to concantrate on my own world and I dont wanna change that. I just keep myself questioning.... Is it really what I wanna do in my life? Am I on the right path? Will I be happy? Is it possible to have something new? Or to change? I am not from a good family, I am not a princess nor a girl with a HUGE support.

Saturday, 4 January 2014

Pisces and haters

 I have to admit something. Living alone is not fun. I was alone like mroe than a week. However I also needed it. I totally recharged myself just spending a whole week on myself.  But when my flatmate came back. We were talking like OMG 3 hours. Or when I get home she opens her door and start talking to me what good things happened to her again. And you realise you are happy because she is happy, and you are happy because she shares with you. And once again you are happy because you have someone to talk with.