is good-enough enough?

I am alright. I am much better. Before the past 2 weeks I was at home (except work) And I did nothing on the earth. So many things was in my mind in the same time. I was so lost and insecure.

I was about to fed up with some boys too who always write to me and asks to meet. I asked them do you wanna me becasue you wanna sex? Or do you wanna meet me because you expect something in return? They said yes. Well I said then fuck off. 
I dont think that I wanna be in any kind of connection to anyone. I mean lets be superficial. That is noharm.





How did the depression feelings finished? To be honest I said all the things that I never say. In the same time I was talking with my friends who support me and motivates me.
I wrote my very first love. Our story is really long. I was only 12 he was only 17. I was in primary school he was getting ready to medicine. He was the one who was so inspiring and motivating to me. I am aleady like 10 years older but still so admire him. He has such a strong personality. I always love to listen to his opinion. And I ask him always when I think I am about to make a big decision in my life.
When I was 11 I had no idea that I will keep in toch with him. This time he was one of those who motivates me.
So we were talking a bit and then I asked about him in general. About him and his fiancé. When he said they are no longer together.
And I dont wanna be mean but somehow it made me feel better. And I realised that life wont stop just because I am alone. or just because I can't share my feelings with someone else. Or can't share my life. 

I read a good sentence that made me think. Do we accept the love that we think we deserve? What is this supposed to mean? Isit possible that if someone is educated then that person wont be with someone who has no school? Or do we take it for granted that "I have a degree. So my love will have a degree too". Does it actually matter?

I know from myself that I could never be with someone than who I am smarter. Because I know that I need someone who I can look up. I mean he can provide me the feeling that I am in a good hands.  Who likes to study and improve. And from whom I can study. And who can give me advice. Real supportive or true advices. And who motivates me and inspires me. Who I can ask a question and one: understand my question. two: interested in it. And hardworking and loves sport and healthy lifestyle just as much as I do.
Smokers are not count. I dont care if he is smoking or not. I would probably say that nooo dont smoke I will be stinky. But otherwise. I can't and dont want to control.

Maybe I will never find a perfect and true love. But maybe one day I will find a good enough love. But here is the question again. Do we accept just those loves that we think we deserve? Is good-enough-love exist at all? Or is that more than an attractive friend with benefits thing?