what 2013 taught me

Every single time when I actually decide to write I have no idea what I was about to write about. I might wanna write this time what I learned. Or better say. What 2013 teached me. Because It did teach me a lot of things. I might can't value them now. Or...

If I remember of the days when my life was not the best. I thought in that moment, I can't make it. I can't take it any more. But by now. Looking back to those times I am realizing I could not be the person who I am now if those things were never happen to me.
The most suicidal people are the strongest one. If they overcame against their biggest fear. And overcame those dark thoughts which were popping up every now and then, every single day... Then They can overcame everything in life. Right?

I choose to grow up. I choose to be the person I probably have always been. When we are little girls are we the person that we are going to be?  Or are we just the root of those persons that we are able to be. or what we are capable of.

When I was a child. I was so so so shy. I was crying every single time when  I was left in the nursery. I was crying every single time I saw my mom leaving. I was the kind of girl who has only one very best friend.  I was the one who was crying if my mom didn't pick me up in time and I was the one who never ever slept with the others but waiting for the time passing by.

I always asked those questions that I feared to answer. I kept asking my mom when I will have to be without my family. When will I have to move away and be a grown up woman. Isn't it strange that these questions wasn't even a very long while ago? And by now I feels just the same strange to be with my family as well as it felt scary to be without them.




 In this year I learned how much a life can change. I learned the more you are worth the more you value yourself. And the more others will value you, the more you show respect towards others and the less you let others look into your thoughts.

And I think I learned how it feels like to be respected by a man. And how it feels like to respect a man. And how it feels like to be "liked".  I learned how to put my trust in someone.
You never know how much someone means to you as long as you didn't risk losing that person.
Losing because of an accident, or losing because of someone else, or losing because of your silliness.




I couldn't help but wonder is it so easy to realise how much you dont care about someone anymore? The person that you used to care about so much. How is it possible to reverse those feelings which you thought you could never do?

2014 is coming. I wanna lead a whole new lifestyle. I have actually just selected my clothes that I wear, and those whi
ch in my closet but never ever wear. Well I have to admit, It was terribly hard to get rid of my clothes. I like keep everything. And never throw anything away. But by the end I had just so few wearable clothes remained. So I think I will start the new year refreshing not only my closet but also myself.

I wanna be that kind of woman that others follow. Follow because of my values, for my  follow because of the long hair I have. Follow for my moral, for myself. Follow because of my charm. For my motivations, and determination. Or because of the hot guys I could have. muhaha.

When I was young I hated when others did everything exactly the same way as I did. Wear the same kind of clothes. Wear the same hairstyle. Wear the same makeup.
By now I realised how much I want to be the person who I use to hate to be. It's not about what you wear. Or what you say or what you make. It is about the way how you wear. How you say or how you make. Right?

In 2013 I also learned that those people who are meant to be in your life. No matter what happens, always find a way to fill that place in your heart. Will find a way to find you, and will find the way to reunion. But I guess this lesson is still waiting for to be learned. And I am still getting those lessons. It is so unfinished. How far can we go to keep something happening?