life lessons and christmas

I was thinking about what I learnt in 2013. I know I was talking abut it at the previous post, but there is one more thing that I think I learned.

I have to accept the things as they are. I used to forced everything to be the way I want it to be. I pushed everything and I put way to much energy in things I was not supposed to. I cried several times just because I had no the power to change those things that I could not get.
But by now I understand that even if they not the way I want them to be, they all taught me their lesson. And I learned every single time something.

And if I didn't get what I wanted, I always get something else. There were always people who teached me how to be stronger, how to forget easily, how to hide my emotions, how to show them, how to cry in someone else's shoulder, how to stay proud even if im hurt and how to be myself. That my silly personality can be loveable. And that how to act and how to hide my thoughts. How to hide my emotions and how to release them.

I believe I still have a lot of things to do. It's like sometimes I am realising how boring my life is. That I wanna do some big thing. Or I wanna do something big that satisfy my creativity. I know how hard I have to work untill I will be the person who I want to be. I dont wanna see the things as they are. And I couldn't see them anyway. My friends used to say I am like who is enchanted. And im like who has just
walked out of an enchanted world and I am still wondering where I am.

At these times I can say, that I am happy. I think I haven't felt that balanced as I am.... since 4 years. I started again working out. I will bring back this into my life in a daily basic. I will do again yoga and I will start running again.
You know the feeling when you have so much energy and inspiration in your mind that you feel like you are going to explode?
This is exactly how I feel.



About Christmas............
As I have already mentioned a year ago.. (read back if interested) I hate christmas. I stopped celebrating when I was 14.... since it is supposed to be a family holiday. Or something like that. Of course I wanna bring back to my life this beautiful holiday. But this yeas somehow I didn't get the christmas spirit. I was working both days. And I am very happy about that because this made me forget this whole suff. Maybe next year. I dont wanna force it to be honest because I can have a christmas tree, I can have presents, I can buy christmas decorations. They worth nothing if I fake the happiness. And they give nothing if I dont have anybody to share with. Right?
However some people wished me merry christmas, and those people made my day. And put a smile on my face. And I am really very thankful for them that they reminded me it is still christmas even if I better closing my eyes and pretend its a normal day.
Not suprisingly no one of my family called me or wished me merry chirstmas (expect my grandma. I talk to her a lot). I didn't expected. Or maybe somewhere deep inside my heart I hoped.

However! I still LOVE christmas cookies. So of course I made. Come on.. Who doesn't like christmas cookies?