lessons

I believe everybody can be happy one day. But if I try to describe happiness, I am not sure I can. I am afraid of facing the reality. Or to see the worse part of the positive things. Lately I haven't post because I wasn't really inspired. However as I walk alone I have so many thoughts. And when it comes to put 'em down. I just simply have no idea how to. If I start writing I start thinking. If I start thinking, I start being spechless. Does it happen with anyone else?

The past one week life was so rough to me. And yesterday I think I got the last drop in my glass. Whenever I think I am strong enough, I realise. I can never be ready for those lessons that life will give me throughout my life. Everything happens for a reason andnot by chance or by mean of good luck. It's just really hard to find the lesson among the pain or happiness

it can give.         
I just wanted to give up on living for a very little while. Nononono. I dont mean to give up on life. Just give up on living. Give up on trying to meet my own rules.  To seem to be smart. To study. To pretend I am normal.

If I could probably I would just buy an awesome camera and take as many photos as much I can. Take huge walks. Buy a horse and be away. Get a car and pull over in the middle of nowhere. Watch the stars. Or draw the nature.
A couple of days ago, I couldn't sleep at night and when I checked outside, suprisingly I saw all the stars. I couldn't help but wonder. Is there anybody out there having the same feelings I have?

Why nowadays life is all about "what-you-have?" - related? Why count the family? Why is the past important? Every-now and then I may think I could leave my past behind. But sometimes, somehow... It has its own way of catching up to me.