easter, boyfriend and friends

 Being in family or being alone?
It's Easter! I didn't want to celebrate it because the time is still not here. Its a family thing. I am all alone. I prefer being anywhere but home. I haven't celebrated christmas either.
When I will a normal relationship I can start thinking about bring back the celebrations into my life. And start thinking as i have a family again. But still I would expect too much of it. And I would have ended up being disappointed. Just like the last 7 years. and still its a long way to go.
I didn't go home now either. My dad said he totally understand. its hard even for him to forget this only one days of being home. he goes back to his gf and forget this all with his girlfriend. but if I come back to this place i have noone that could help me to cheer up or make me believe im not all alone.
I dont mean now friends. I do have friends. but still.

however now most of my friends are home. being with family. and im here writing my blog and reading a book which is actually a piece of shit.
This fifty shades is all about being someone's lover..... LOVER! .... piece of crap. I enjoyed the book as long as I figured out this is all about this.  to have sex with a super duper adonis who on the top of this clearly declared not to sleep together and say bye after all
.....no. thanks. I feel like throwing up.

I often talk to my friends about....
where to find a boyfriend? We alllll have our ideal boy. And we all have an exact situation where we wanna be with our chosen one, how he behaves, how he looks like and how he talks to us. Isn't this all make it much  harder? i mean to find an excellent candidate with whom we could imagine as our bofriend.
I think the best places to find a boyfriend iis where I can actually communicate. Im typically that kind of girl, who.....
if I like someone.. he is the one of who I dont give a shit. Dont talk to him that much. Ignore.  Short conversations and seems like i am nooot interested AT ALL. Why?
Because I am just simply speechless. Im shy and blushing. and I think. sure he doesn't like me. Dont think into it miracles. dont be naiv.
I need a HUGE poster on what its written "I LIKE ____YOU____!"  and then i will notice "god, he might like me back?! wonderful! "

An another question that inspired me.
What is better to have older friends or younger friends? 
When I came here and studied the 'distane course' I had mainly older friends. 24-32 years old. And I learnt a lot from them. really a lot lot of things. one of my best friend is 26 years old. And the other who I spend the whole summer with is 31 years old. I love being with them. I literally can talk about everything there is not such a thing that too blushy or too personal, or embarrassing or too woman thing. or whatever. I love my flatmate as well. i feel lucky to live with her. there is not such a thing about what we dont talk.
other hand... when I came to this course suddenly I have a lot of friends whos my age. or even younger. With them I could go crazy. do silly things. and drink like a fish. and gossip about boys.

I am just not going to answer my question, because I find in both age positive and lovely points. and no one can be judged be the age. isnt it true.